A new Twitter page has been offering ‘useful’ advice to parents of table tennis players*.
The page’s bio states that the advice is given by a “U.K. table tennis parent. Roughing it in soulless sports halls observing parent etiquette so you don’t need to”.
@ttparenttips has now posted more than 75 pieces of advice and we’ve highlighted a selection below.
DON’T pay for the car park until you’ve checked your child’s draw for cadet/junior nationals- you may only need an hour
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) May 2, 2017
At a larger venue – make your child wear a yellow shirt.
They will hate it . You will find them. Pink also works— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) April 6, 2017
NEVER use a time out to tell your child the football score
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) March 5, 2017
DONT assume that your child’s hours on Xbox is time wasted . Shooting pedestrians in the head on GTA will improve their forehand drive.
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) May 13, 2017
NEVER remind your child of the nets and edges THEY got when they’re complaining about how many the winning oppo had
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) April 13, 2017
When bored at a tournament, cause confusion by shouting “Soft Hands! ” at your 9 year old during a match – No one knows what this means .
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) March 19, 2017
If your club has more then 3 players, DO rename it a “table tennis academy ” – scares the opposition #tabletennisacademy #tabletennis
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) February 3, 2017
Don’t fret when your 14yo gets home from a Local league match at 1am on a school night . Its good practice for when they go to nightclubs
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) February 23, 2017
DO always carry a large tripod , even if you’re not filming your child’s matches . There’s always the chance you could trip the oppo
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) February 18, 2017
Gain respect among other parents by pretending that you understand “count back” . #tabletennis
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) February 6, 2017
DO NOT suggest that your kid mightn’t have lost 3-0 to a person 300 pts below them if they’d warmed up on a table instead of an iPhone
— TT Parents Tips (@ttparenttips) February 18, 2017
*This article is meant as a bit of fun. Table Tennis England does not endorse any of the advice given on this page.